


The tale of the Ex-Templar and the Apostate.

by FenarielTheDalishMage



Series: Love triumphs over all. [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Comfort, Fear, Fluff, M/M, Magic, Past Abuse, based on some events from Levellan's past, that was a previous work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-09 16:43:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4356716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FenarielTheDalishMage/pseuds/FenarielTheDalishMage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen and Fenariel Lavellan's interactions throughout the inquisition. Friendship blossoms into something more after Cullen hears that he and Lavellan are not as different as they appear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting the elf.

**Author's Note:**

> I do use elven but I put translations under the sentences in parenthesis. If it's just one word the context and comments about it will give you the general idea. Some of it is based on the first couple chapters of the work Lavellan's past. Hope you like it! Positive comments and constructive criticism as well as requests for other stories are read and considered and welcomed greatly! Hope you like my stuff this is my third work.

Cullen watched as inquisition soldiers dragged a small, battered body through the snow to the chantry. He followed them and saw The Seeker and Lelianna speaking softly. “Lady Cassandra who is that?” 

“Ah Commander we were looking for you before. It appears that elf is the only survivor. He was found as he fell out of a smaller rift, a woman was behind him but she disappeared when the rift closed. He seems to be heavily injured and there is some strange magic scar on his hand. I am going to have the elven apostate Solas examine and treat him.”

Lelianna nodded to Cullen as she walked away probably to find Solas. Cullen walked into the chantry with Cassandra and down to the cells underneath the large building. The soldiers pointed their weapons at the lithe frame as it occasionally shook on the floor. The mark seemed to shine every now and then making the elf breathe shakily in his unconscious state. The commander bent down to look at the elf and brush the long silver hair away from his face to reveal a contorted look of pain covered in scratches and dried blood. Solas was guided by Lelianna into the room and bent down to examine the body. He checked his pulse, opened his golden eyes to see his pupils and then stood up and spoke seriously as always. “I will need to undress him to make sure there are no other major injuries I would like to ask that you leave the room. Even though he is technically a prisoner, he should retain some amount of dignity.

“Do not think that you are in charge mage. The commander will stay and make sure you don't try anything. Lelianna come with me we must discuss some things in private. The rest of you are dismissed.” Cassandra beckoned her hand and the soldiers left the room leaving Solas and Cullen alone with the small elven body that lay on the floor. 

“Commander if you do not mind I will need your assistance, I cannot perform my magic as well as hold him.” Cullen nodded hesitantly and held the limp body in a sitting position. Solas’ hands hovered over the elf's torso and his eyes snapped open as he spoke quickly. “We need to get his tunic off, there is a large amount of bleeding that will harm him greatly. Cullen nodded and took off the armor and tunic. He sighed angrily as there was a large amount of bruising on the elf's fragile looking torso. It had large gashes and burn marks with large spots of dried blood. He lay the body down as Solas quickly went to work surveying and attempting to heal the damage. As he hovered over the elf's chest his body convulsed in pain and Cullen gently held him down.

The elf quickly took a small scalpel and a pointed glass tube from his pouch. Cullen watched, horrified as Solas made a small incision in the elf's chest and inserted a small amount of the glass tube into the hole. The commander was about to ask what happened when he heard the sound of air rushing out of the tube and the small body under him started to breathe normally.

“There was pressure building up against his lungs which would have suffocated him, I had to relieve some of the pressure my making an exit for the air.” The elf explained softly as he watched the human relax slowly. He slowly examine the rest of the elf and sighed contently. “The rest of the boy seems…fine.” Cullen looked up as he heard the mage hesitate on the last word. 

“I sense there is something you are not telling me, Solas.” 

“Physically he appears fine, besides the magical mark on his hand, mentally I cannot tell. I have no idea what happened so I do not know if he will even be sane when he wakes up. He appears Dalish though so I have no idea what he was even doing here in the first place, he should have been with his clan. I do sense however that he is a strong mage, I need to examine this mark more. The Seeker and Sister Lelianna are probably waiting for you, you may send in the guards to watch me if you wish, though I suspect that once I start trying to check it with magic they might try and decapitate me on the spot.” The Mage said seriously.

Cullen sighed. “I trust you enough to expect that you wouldn't summon a demon or use blood magic on the elf.” Cullen got up and as he was leaving looked back. “How old do you think he is?”

Solas sighed his voice filled with pity for his patient. “Young enough to know he should not have to experience this much chaos at his age.” With that the Ex-Templar left to report to Cassandra and Lelianna.

~  
Cullen entered the makeshift War Room and reported the events. Cassandra was not happy to hear that Cullen left the Mage unsupervised but let him be. They were discussing their plan for days until a soldier reported the elf to be awake. Cassandra walked quickly towards the cells and was stopped when Cullen put a hand on her arm to grab her attention. “Lady Cassandra, the boy is young please be gentle with him. We do not know what he saw during these events. For all we know he could have just been an innocent bystander. Remember that please, he may be our only suspect but that doesn't necessarily mean that he is guilty.” 

Cassandra sighed angrily. “I know that Commander but he is our only lead right now and if I have to, I will take drastic measures.”

Cassandra continued walking and Lelianna followed close behind trying to give Cullen a reassuring smile as if silently saying to him ‘don't worry I won't let Cassandra tear him apart.’ 

~

After the surprising events at the breach and the few days after, Cullen found himself watching the young elf closely almost every day. 

Some nights after the elf had joined the inquisition, he was training recruits when a dwarf, with an impressive amount of chest hair, ran towards him panicking. “Hey Curly!” Cullen rolled his eyes at the nickname the dwarf had given him. “We got a problem! Trinket’s gone!” Cullen looked confused. “Varric, take a breath. First of all who is Trinket?”

Varric calmed down and started speaking quietly and kept looking around. He practically oozed paranoia. “Trinket, you know the herald. He won't tell anyone his first name so I gave him a nickname. But we were talking yesterday and I incidentally, possibly, accidentally, jokingly told him that he might want to run before the Seeker gets any more crazy ideas. This morning I went to check on him because by mid day no one had seen him. I went to his house, checked the forge, all the rooms in the chantry, even asked Nightingale and she said she hadn't seen him all day. You've gotta help me before the Seeker gets wind of this-” 

“Gets wind of what exactly, Varric?” He was cut off by Cassandra who was now standing behind him. Varric quickly turned around and almost died right there as he looked up to see Cassandra standing there, obviously annoyed by something. “Oh Seeker, what a surprise! We were just talking about you. Oh well, Curly I guess you got caught.” Varric looked over to Cullen and nudged him nervously and silently pleading. Cassandra looked over to the Commander who decided to play along for fear of what Cassandra would do to the boy if she found him. “Varric I can't believe you! This was supposed to be a quiet thing.” Cullen sighed and arched his eyebrow towards the dwarf as if he was saying ‘your turn’.

Varric, being the quick thinker he is shrugged his shoulders and started to make up a bull shit story. “Curly here was having the smith make a new blade for you since the last one you had was damaged during the attempt at the Breach.” Cassandra nodded and turned to Cullen. “Commander I am greatful for the appreciation but that blade should go towards one of the advanced soldiers. I can make my own if need truly arise. I will leave you to your duties.” Cassandra walked off and Varric sighed, relieved. 

“Thanks Curly I owe you one.” Varric patted the man on the arm.

“I didn't do it for you Varric. That boy has enough to worry about, without Cassandra trying to kill him. We should start looking for him. I'd hate to think of what might happen to him if the Seeker actually finds out that he's missing.” Varric nodded and they both rushed off searching mostly near Haven. 

They both met back at the training area at sundown. “Any luck Varric?” “None. Guess we have to venture out past the lake then.” The two nodded and starting heading out towards the fields where the wild druffalo lived. As they were walking they saw a pair of boots buried in the snow along with a staff. They dug through the snow but found nothing. They both heard a wolf’s howl and moved towards the direction. 

They saw the elf attacking what looked to be bandits in the snow. He was using hand to hand techniques and shot small amounts of magic through his palms. He kicked a bandit in the head and used the body like a spring and jumped towards another bandit before facing through him and appearing behind him before shooting a lightning bolt through the mans chest as he fell. The elf stood in a defensive crouch as his golden eyes surveyed the remaining enemies. It had become dark and the moon was reflected off his silver wavy hair that went down to his knees. He growled and his ears twitched. As he launched himself at another bandit. This one bandit seemed to be more of a challenge as the elf had to avoid slashes of the sword and just dodged it before his gut was almost slashed open. He grunted as he held his side painfully as it started to bleed. He had missed the fatal blow but still got a pretty serious injury. 

Cullen went to help but Varric put his hand in front of him. He watched Varric smirk as the dwarf seemed calmer than he should be but still had a glint of concern in his eyes. The elf growled in anger as he used his magic to force his hand into the man’s gut and twisted it while blasting magic. The man’s body was flung against a tree and the tree proceeded to break and fall over. The man's dead body lay there, his eyes still wide in shock.

“Ugh damn shems! Seriously they're always fighting amongst each other. It disgusts me!” The elf seemed to be more mad at the fact that the humans were idiots then that he was actually injured. That changed when he started to fall but caught himself and leaned against a tree. “Fenedhis!”  
(Just a common curse with no translation)

Varric walked over to the elf and took some bandages out of his bag that he had brought with him. He spoke to the elf in a fake re reprimanding tone. “Tsk tsk. Trinket what would Keeper Deshanna say if she heard you speaking like that?” The elf spun around to see Varric. Relief seemed to flood his eyes as he dropped heavily to the snow. The dwarf just shook his head and chuckled to himself as he started to wrap the elf's side with the bandage. “Sorry Trinket, I don't have an apple for you this time.” The elf laughed weakly. “Not really hungry anyway.” 

Cullen felt like he was missing something but ignored it as he walked towards the herald. He spoke awkwardly trying to sound less formal but failing terribly. “H…herald it is good to see you alright.” The elf seemed to ignore the human and spoke to Varric. “Is the shem always like this? I thought that maybe it was just around that crazy seth’lin.” Varric chuckled. “Don't let the Seeker hear you call her that. Plus she's a noble remember? Canto won that bet against Danto all those years ago over it. Hah! I still remember the look on their faces when I settled their bet.” Varric and the elf both laughed. 

Cullen was utterly confused now but had a feeling they knew each other longer than they let on. The elf looked up to Cullen and sighed. “Fenariel, call me Fenariel not herald or prophet or whatever. I don't even believe in your Maker to be perfectly honest.” Cullen wasn't shocked that he didn't believe but shocked that he would admit it so easily.

“Of course, Fenar…Fenariel. Now we should really get you back to Haven for treatment. The Seeker will want to know about these bandits.” Varric and Fenariel both looked at each other then at Cullen then back. Fenariel then got up after taking a potion from Varric and chugging it. “No way! I was on my way out of this beyond forsaken place. The last thing I'm doing is going back to that zealot! She already tried to kill me once, then tried to make me part of her ‘holy movement’ I've had just about enough. I'm going home!” Cullen grabbed him by the arm suddenly and saw the elf quickly shout and shoot him with a small amount of electricity. He was shocked but even more surprised to see Fenariel's face. The elf looked scared to death. Varric ran over to the elf and got him back to his senses. “Hey Trinket, it's okay. You're not back there, you’re here and safe.” The elf relaxed a little but still seemed uptight.

“Sorry Curly, he doesn't like to be touched.” Varric tried to reassure the human who just should there shocked. 

“Uh, my apologies. But I still must advise against this decision. You are the only one who can close the rifts and the Breach, we need you.” Cullen sighed as he handed Fenariel his boots after looking at the elf's red feet. He watched as the elf dry his feet with fire magic and put the boots back on. 

“…fine, but I am not going near Cassandra for at least one day!” He then looked to Varric. “Plus I don't think she even remembers me, pretty sure Lelianna does though. But then again Cassandra was always one to slash first ask questions later.” Varric chuckled at that and led the elf slowly back to haven.


	2. Remembrance.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The herald returns to haven and has some time to talk with Cassandra, while Cullen continues his "discreet" investigation.

Cassandra rushed to the entrance of Haven after getting a report that the herald was injured. She ran up to them and saw Varric slowly leading the elf through the gates. Cassandra quickly dispersed the crowd and hurried over to Cullen.

“Commander what happened?” Cassandra looked over Cullen who had some burn streaks on his armor. “Nothing to worry about Lady Cassandra, just some bandits, we took care of them but the Herald was injured in the process, Varric gave him medical attention but I advise that we have Solas look over him just to make sure. Cassandra nodded as she looked at the elf and led him over to Solas’ cabin. Cullen asked Varric to stay back for a moment. “Varric did something happen to the He…I mean Fenariel? Why did he react like that when I touched him?” 

Varric sighed and seemed to look at Cullen with an old buried hatred in his eyes. “Sorry Curly, for once this is not my story to tell. I gotta go tell Nightingale what happened.” With that that the dwarf headed towards Lelianna’s tent.

Cullen was not one for eavesdropping but he skirted around behind Lelianna's tent and pretended to be checking his blade. He heard Lelianna and Varric whispering to each other.

“So it still haunts him even to this day?” “What do you expect, Nightingale? No one could just let something like that go. But shit, you should have seen it. Curly went and grabbed his arm and it was like he was back in those woods. He actually shot Curly with a bolt of electricity, I mean not enough to kill him or hurt him but enough to put some scorch marks on his armor. His body was shaking and he slumped against a tree, it was just like all those years ago, except there weren't slavers lying dead on the ground, and I didn't have an apple in my pocket.”

“Varric talk softly, I doubt Fenariel wants anyone to know about that. We only know about it because Cassandra told us about it some weeks after we left.”

“Sorry, it's just…I don't know. Curly asked me why he got like that back there and all that hatred I had for those scum felt like it was coming back to the surface, but don't worry I didn't tell him. But I'm sure you already know that Trinket hasn't been sleeping at all. He's too uneasy surrounded by all these humans. I've even seen him getting sick behind the chantry a couple of times. I really thought that Keeper was just losing it when she said that we'd all see each other again. I don't think Cassandra has realized who he is yet, and frankly I'm not going to be the one to tell her, I say let her remember on her own.”

“I agree, for now I will personally keep an eye on Fenariel, I also received a letter from Keeper Deshanna today, it seems they actually moved up to the free marches after we left. I do not blame them especially after what happened. I don't think that he ever told the Keeper about what really happened, though. I will respond personally and tell her of the events that have transpired.”

“Alright, I better get back to whatever I was doing. Oh and tell the twins I say hi, they should be fully trained healers now. Ha! Shit, I'm getting old.” Varric sighed and went to exit the tent.

Cullen quickly headed back towards the training area before the dwarf saw him.

~  
Cassandra sat with a shirtless Fenariel as Solas examined the wound. A red mark around the young elf's neck caught her attention. It seemed to be a scar that had faded quite a bit but was still visible if you looked closely. She heard him inhale sharply as Solas put some pressure on the wound to first stop the bleeding. He then proceeded to heal it leaving a small visible mark. “Da’len please be more careful. Put some of this poultice on it every morning after you bathe and every night before you got to sleep. Try to keep it relatively clean and don't move to drastically for a few days.” Solas then looked at the elf and sighed. “Are you eating well?” Fenariel answered hoarsely. “Somewhat, I've been feeling a little sick lately but I usually eat some fruit at least. It seems like I can only keep down berries and apples.” Solas sighed. "It is probably just your body’s reaction to the sudden change in diet as well as exhaustion from the recent events. I suggest drinking some felanderis tea sweetened with some honey every morning. That should calm your stomach. Now if there is nothing else you are good to go.” Solas handed the other elf a jar of the poultice as well as a bag of felanderis leaves.

Fenariel nodded and followed Cassandra out of the small cabin. He stopped suddenly when Cassandra looked at him suspiciously. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

Cassandra hadn't realized she was staring at the elf and stuttered, embarrassed. “Um…No it is just that I have this feeling that I have seen you before all this.”

Fenariel shrugged “I just have one of those faces.” With that the elf started to walk away looking down at his feet in disappointment.

~

Fenariel sat on a large rock overlooking the whole village, holding a large stick in his hands while he carved it with a small knife. He sighed and spoke aloud. “You still haven't lost that shem'len scent, Lelianna.” He heard her chuckle as she sat down beside him. “Are you sulking because she does not remember you? It is most unbefitting of someone of your status.” Fenariel chuckled “maybe I am. I don't see how that matters though. I suppose she told you and Varric about what really happened after you left the camp.” Lelianna nodded as the elf continued, obviously frustrated. “So she told you both after you left then doesn't even have the decency to remember. You know what she said to me today? She said ‘I can't help but feeling like I've seen your face before.’ Seriously! I mean I know I look a little older and I got my Vallaslin but I don't look that different.” 

Lelianna put her hand on his knee and patted it gently. “Yes but after we left, she had a totally different view on magic. She doesn't show it much around others but if you were to ask her in private about her opinion of magic she would say exactly what you said to her. ‘Magic is not just a thing of destruction, it can also be a thing of beauty’.” Lelianna got up and bid farewell as she returned to her tent.

~  
That night while Cassandra was taking a midnight walk around Haven, she heard quiet sobbing behind Fenariel's cabin. She came around the back to see the elf throwing up and shuddering as he held his body protectively. In that moment Cassandra remembered the face of the elven boy she had met years ago. She walked over and put her hand gently on his shoulder. He quickly turned and looked up at Cassandra as she knelt down and rubbed his back soothingly until he calmed down. Cullen who had been hanging around Fenariel's cabin once he saw Cassandra go behind it listened as he quietly heard the two speaking.

“I can still remember it. Their hands on me, the taunting, the laughing, the feeling of that suppression collar on my neck. I can barely sleep on a good day. Now I can't even close my eyes without remembering it. There are too many shems here.” Cullen heard movement and could only assume that the Seeker had embraced him. 

“It is all right Fenariel, they can't hurt you anymore. And no one here would even dream of that, do you know why?” He heard a pause as Cassandra continued. “Because they know that if they ever touched you, they would have me to deal with!” He heard the elf chuckle and sniffle. 

“Cassandra I don't know how you sleep here, there are no sturdy trees to sleep in and it's too cold outside.” He heard the Seeker laugh and Cullen smiled as he walked away knowing that the boy would be alright.

Cullen didn't even notice he was in front of the tavern until he walked right into Varric. He noticed that the dwarf was staring at him intensely. “I thought you were better than that Curly.” The shook his head in disappointment. “Instead I see you eavesdropping and following Trinket around. Don't think that you're subtle because Nightingale has noticed it too. And when Seeker finds out she'll rip you a new one.” The dwarf started to walk away when Cullen spoke up. “I was just concerned about him, that's all!” Varric turned around sharply and raised his voice but not enough to alert anyone near. “So that makes it all better? You have no idea what that kid went through! You see him only as some religious figure who's going to save the world. Then what, you just toss him aside like a dull blade? Or use him as a pawn to achieve your goals. Don't go around pretending you care about him, especially in front of him. You have no idea how much you shook him the other day do you? He-”

“ENOUGH!” The two of them were surprised to see Lelianna standing there with her arms crossed and the look of a murder in her eyes. “You two will speak no more of this, for Fenariel's sake! If either of you breathes a word of the events of these last days to anyone, especially the boy, you will have me to deal with. The two of you will go back to your respected quarters and drop this conversation forever. Is that clear?” They both nodded and left in opposite directions. Hopefully this would never be spoken of again.


	3. Near death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenariel has just escaped Corypheus' grasp. He wakes up but doesn't know where he is. He must find a way to get back to the others or freeze to death. But with the close of the breach the spirits are no longer driven away and he is reunited with some old friends.

Fenariel groaned in pain as he slowly woke up. It hurt to open his eyes, and his body felt stiff and beaten. He screamed in pain as the mark on his hand seemed to grow and burn. It felt like someone was submerging his whole arm in molten lava, he quickly raised it to see it glowing brightly in a mix of red and green. 

He slowly got up grunting in pain and summoning some of his strength to call into the fade. Maybe with the breach sealed he could finally find Nehn and Renan, though he doubted that it would be that easy. The elf shivered as he watched his breath dissipate in the cold air. He limped through the walls of some old cavern and finally came to a more open space. He heard a faint cry and recognized the sound right away. “Fenedhis!” Fenariel cursed as he narrowly dodged a blast of ice. He was too weak to cast any spells, they all cost too much energy. Instead he felt the throbbing in his hand increase and had an idea. The elf raised his hand and focused beyond the demon, the cold wind, the pain, the snow just to the empty void, the beyond. As he closed his hand a small rift appeared and slowly sucked up the demon like a vacuum.

Fenariel sighed in relief and slid down against a wall. He needed to rest just for a minute he told himself. Just close your eyes for a minute, then you'll feel better. Voices whispered to him from dark corners and as he was about to give in two small voices popped up in his head. They seemed like the sun and the moon but used their light to scare away the shadows. Fenariel opened his eyes to see two wisps hovering next to him one gold and one silver. The elf smiled as he hugged the two and they tried to help him up, though they couldn't lift more than a feather, instead they pulled at his hair and sleeve. He finally got up and leaned on his staff for support. The one he had managed to grab from his burning cabin, it was his mother’s. She had given it to him on her deathbed and told him that she was so proud of him.

The three made their way out of the seemingly endless tunnel and were hit with harsh winds and blinding snow. He shivered as the two wisps hid in his coat from fear of being blown away. They radiated a small amount of heat even though they were spirits and helped to keep him warm. 

He had to move slowly, ‘just one step at a time, one in front of the other.’ He thought to himself. Moving for hours and hours just listening to the wind howl, it was maddening and certainly frightening. Fenariel just wanted to go home and curl up with his brothers. 

After a while he found a fire pit but it was cold, he had to keep moving, every now and then he put his hands over his mouth and howled like a wolf hoping Lelianna or Cassandra would hear it. He was now stumbling and breathing heavily. He found a fire pit that was still warm and it gave him a small amount of hope but that hope was quickly gone as he fell in the snow. He slowly got up and started moving again more slowly. The snow had become so deep that it went up past his ankles. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to move and his strength was quickly fading.

The blizzard had finally stopped but that didn't help much. Fenariel tried moving again but he just fell to his knees. The spirits came out of his coat and tried to pull him forward. The elf looked up at them through half closed eyes. “V…vena sh…shem'len”  
(F…find h…humans)

The spirits stayed around him for a moment then flew off. Fenariel could feel his heart beat slowing, his body became colder and colder and his eyesight started fading. He heard voices in the distant but couldn't make them out. He was laying on his side now, covered in a thick layer of snow. 

“There he is!” He recognized that voice. It was Cullen.  
“Thank the maker!” That was Cassandra.

He felt a warm body around him. The body’s chest was broad and the arms were strong. He knew it was Cullen but he didn't have the strength to even register the fear that began to swell in the back of his mind. Everything was hazy as he felt them open his eyes and check his pulse. He felt a face near his heart as the tried to listen for a heartbeat.

“He's alive! Barely but alive. We need to get him back to camp now!” Cullen picked up the now limp body as the elf quickly lost consciousness. The last thing he remembered was the feeling of strong hands grasping his cold and broken body. He thought he also felt a tear land on his cheek but couldn't pay much attention to it.  
~  
Fenariel's eyes slowly opened. His whole body hurt and he felt like he was on fire. His breathing was ragged and his vision was blurry. He turned his head to see Cullen standing next to Varric and the two were arguing about something. Fenariel tried to make out what they were saying but every word he heard was muffle, almost like he was underwater. “…what do mean, what kind of stasis?” The human asked with a hushed tone. “The way Chuckles explained it to me was that when a mage's body suffers serious trauma, the spirit leaves while the body heals.” “Wait is he dead!” “No…his spirit kind of rests in the fade until his body is ok. Chuckles said that it’s rare but possible. Remember how the spirits were kind of moving erratically when he lost consciousness, that's when it probably started. Chuckles said that it shouldn't last long though, the mark might not allow it for too long.” They both sighed. 

The two wisps moved from Varric's shoulders and came over to the elf. That bought the attention of both men as they saw the elf's eyes barely opened. Varric ran over to his bedside and had Cullen go get the others. The human reluctantly nodded and walked away. “Shit Trinket, you really scared us there.” The elf tried to move but was held down by Varric and both spirits. “V…Varric my body feels like it's on fire. It…it hurts.” Varric just looked at him sympathetically. “You've had a high fever for a while now, we've got you under about four layers of blankets too. You just need to rest.” The elf tried to remember what happened. He felt like something important happened but he couldn't remember. Cassandra, Lelianna, and Cullen came over to his bedside. 

Cassandra came over to him and spoke in a soft tone. “Do you remember what happened?” He tried to remember and focus. All of a sudden the memories burst and images flooded his head. His eyes went wide as his body seized and Cassandra held him down as Solas ran over and checked the body quickly. The Mage called Cole over and the spirit quickly went to work. “Memories bursting, too fast to remember all the events at once. Most scary others angering but too many emotions and events his head is overflowing.” Fenariel screamed in pain as his body seized again. Solas nodded and brought a potion to Fenariel's lips and forced the younger elf to drink it. Fenariel felt his body become numb again as he slipped into a forced sleep.

~  
The group sighed as they went back to where they had all been sitting, all except Cullen. He sat on a stool next to the unconscious elf and just watched him sleep. Varric kept an eye on the two, after what Cullen did, Varric didn't trust him for a second. Cullen looked at the elf with concern in his eyes as he took a cool cloth and wiped the elf's forehead. He stared at the pale rosy cheeks and small pink lips that seemed almost perfect. He traced the vallaslin on the elf's face with his eyes while imagining what he looked like when he was younger.

Varric nudged Lelianna and they both watched, observing the human. The two wisps seemed to stay near also guarding their friend. Cullen could feel the eyes on him. He whispered something but it was too soft for anyone to hear it. Cole walked over to Varric. “He's hurting. ‘I am sorry, so sorry. I hope you can't hear me so that when I say this it will just be to myself. I never meant to hurt you.’ Tears falling down his face, confused emotions, some conflicting with beliefs while others just swirl in his head. Inside a storm rages on an open sea never quiet, never peaceful.” Varric and Lelianna just looked at each other then stared back at the fire.


	4. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen realizes he has feelings for Fenariel and needs help on how to go about it.

It had now been a day since since the inquisition made in to Skyhold, and Fenariel was now inquisitor. He went to go see Cullen at his makeshift desk by the stairs. Speaking to some soldiers, he realized that Fenariel approached and addressed him.

“We set up as best we could at Haven, but could never prepare for an archdemon or whatever it was. With some warning we might have…”

“Do you ever sleep?”

“If Corypheus strikes again we may not be able to withdraw and I wouldn’t want to. We must be ready. Work on Skyhold is underway, guard rotation established, we should have everything on course within the week. We will not run from here, Inquisitor.”

“How many were lost?”

“Most of our people made it to Skyhold. It could have been worse. Morale was low but, it’s improved greatly since you accepted the role of Inquisitor.”

The inquisitor smiled slightly. “Inquisitor Lavellan. It sounds a bit odd, don’t you think?”

“Not at all.”

“Is that the official response?”

Cullen chuckled as he spoke. “I suppose it is. But it’s the truth! We needed a leader, you have proven yourself.”

“Thank you, Cullen.” Cullen smiled and the elf looked at his feet as his voice trailed off. “Our escape from Haven, It was close. I’m relieved that you… that so many made it out.”

Cullen responded with a soft voice. “As am I.” He looked into the Inquisitor’s eyes for a moment and then glanced away. The Inquisitor started to walk away when Cullen said “You stayed behind.” He grabbed his hand but let go when he felt the inquisitor stiffen, he stared into the golden eyes as he almost whispered “I will not allow the events at Haven to happen again. You have my word.”

The inquisitor nodded and walked away, his face was a little red as he walked away. Varric saw the scene and stared at the human angrily, remembering what the Commander had done those many moths ago. 

~  
As Varric sat by the fireplace Cole popped up next to him and spaced out. “Hands rough, pulling the pain and stretching it, making it larger. Flashes blind the eyes, fire burns the trees. What to do, flashes of memories like the clanking of steel as it hardens on the outside the inside remains soft and fragile. Glass shattering cracking into tiny pieces that won't fit together again and all the animals fall silent in the forest as the wind howls.”

Varric got up quickly and made his way to the inquisitor's quarters. He knocked on the door quickly. “Hey, Trinket? You in there?” The dwarf just heard sobbing and he quickly opened the door and rushed up the stairs. He saw the elf huddled in the corner, crying. His silver hair was splayed out around him on the grounds, hiding his face. The two wisps that hovered around him created a small wall of ice when the dwarf tried to come closer. “Hey it's okay, I've known him since he was little. I'm a friend, we all are here.” The wisps hesitated then dispelled the spell and let the dwarf approach as they both dissapeared.

“Shit, what happened? Come on Trinket talk to me!” Varric sighed angrily as he called for Cole. “Kid! Kid where are you?” Cole appeared in the room. “Go get the Seeker and Nightingale tell them that I need their help.” Cole nodded and faded away as he went to find the two women.

~

Cole popped up on the makeshift table scaring Lelianna, Cullen, and Cassandra half to death. “Varric wanted me to tell you that he needs your help, Riel is hurting badly.” Cassandra and Lelianna looked at each other and quickly headed up the stairs to the inquisitor's quarters. Cullen followed close behind as the three ran into the room. Varric sat there next to the inquisitor who was shaking and quietly sobbing. Cassandra and Lelianna walked slowly into the room trying to survey the damage. The desk was flipped, the chair was in pieces, papers were all over the place and books littered the floor. Cullen’s eyes went wide as he saw the room. “Maker’s breath…what happened?” Fenariel heard the man's voice and tensed even more. Varric looked at the two women and they all nodded. “Commander can you give us the room? We need to help the inquisitor.” Cullen became angry that he couldn't help. He hated feeling so helpless especially when it was the man he cared about. He went over it a million times in his head. He cared about this man, even more than as a subordinate or general of his armies, more than a friend it was something more. “No. I want to help.” The three turned to see Cullen with his fists clenched and he slowly walked towards the elf's shaking body.

He leaned down and put his gloved hand on the elf's shoulder and gently squeezed it. “Inquisitor…Fenariel?” The elf slowly looked up as he saw the human’s face filled with concern. He quickly hid his face again and Cullen just took the shaking body into his arms and held it gently. Cullen grunted as a small bolt of electricity ran through his body but still held tightly. “It's all right, you're safe now.” Cullen felt the body still shaking as he held it, he heard the inquisitor between sobs. “Banal…banal. Ma halani, Mythal ma halani. Ar nuvenin ven vhenas.”  
(No…stop. Help me, Mythal help me. I just want to go home.)

Varric came over to the two and pushed Cullen away. “Do you even hear him? You're not helping, you're just making it worse!” The dwarf stood next to the elf and spoke in a soft voice. “Just go, let us handle this.” Cullen left reluctantly. Before going out the door he turned around one last time seeing the three comforting the young elf. 

~  
Cullen was outside in the training area bashing his shield against a dummy and repeatedly slashing at it. The soldiers stayed away, knowing the Commander was terrifying when he was angry. Cullen screamed in frustration as he performed a finishing move on the dummy then just sat down and sulked. Iron Bull heard the commotion and saw all the cowering soldiers. He sighed to himself and walked over to Cullen and leaned against the wall next to him.”so any reason for your change in teaching methods?” Cullen looked at the Qunari, confused until he saw Bull point to all the terrified soldiers who avoided their commander’s gaze. Cullen just groaned and looked at the large body standing next to him. “How do you help someone you care about, when you scare them the most?” Bull raised a brow but then chuckled to himself, the commander was worried about relationship shit. This wasn't really Bull’s forte but then he looked at it from a Ben-Hassarath point of view. “Well, if they're afraid of you, progressively make them used to your presence almost like you would a small animal.” Cullen looked at Bull in disbelief. “You're going to compare the Inq…I mean individual to a small animal?” Bull chuckle at the man's attempt to be discreet. “Well yeah especially if it's the person my gut tells me. And my gut is always right by the way.” Cullen put his hand on his face and sighed. “Maker, why do I even try? Wait I thought no one else knew about his past.” Bull nodded. “Well who else here is a spy? I didn't need reports to tell me what he's been through.” 

Bull got up with a groan and pat the human on the shoulder while waving goodbye behind his back. “Good luck Cullen.”


	5. Running away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen takes Bull's advice and goes to gather information, but then is surprised when he has to do something way out of his comfort zone. The inquisitor finds out about Cullen's spying and leaves Skyhold in a panic.

Cullen sat in the library and sighed as he put a book on top of the large stack that lay beside him on the table. Dorian walked over and read the title of the top book. “How to care for small animals.” He chuckled as he flipped through the pages, he finally looked up and smirked. “Commander are you getting a bunny?” Cullen just stared at the table as he tried to ignore the mage’s comment. Dorian came over and sat across from him and put his hand on Cullen’s, finally getting his attention. “You know I don't usually help rivals but I'll make an exception this time. Besides I'm from Tevinter, where slavery exists so he would never even think to come within a five foot radius of me without some sort of weapon.” Cullen's eyes went wide. Did everyone know about the inquisitor's past? And the fact that Cullen liked him! “I…I don't know what you're talking about!” Dorian laughed and crossed his arms. “Yes and I'm the queen of Antiva! It's obvious with the way you look at him when you think no one’s looking. You also tend to blush whenever you see him smile.” Dorian’s attitude sobered. “I've seen the way he looks at humans, it's the same way some of the captured slaves look when they first arrive in the ports. I know it's disgusting, which is why I want to change it.” Cullen just banged his head on the table. “Maker’s breath is there anyone who doesn't know besides him?” Dorian chuckled and patted him on the back. “I'm pretty sure Sera, Josephine, Blackwall, Varric, Cassandra, surprisingly Lelianna though I think she's onto you and the soldiers…hopefully.” Cullen just groaned as he sat up and rubbed his now throbbing head.

Dorian got up and took the man's hand and pulled him along. “Come on, if you really care about him you need to prove it to the people who are able to go near him.” Cullen knew who he'd have to go see. He was already going over what to say when they got to the tavern and saw Varric drinking alone in the corner. The two wisps floated around the dwarf trying to cheer him up. The dwarf looked up as the two humans sat down across from him. “What do you want Sparkler, and what do you want.” He looked harshly at Cullen and just stared, trying to guess the human’s motives. Dorian coughed awkwardly as he ordered some wine. “Our friend here would like to explain his inconsiderate behavior.” Varric arched an eyebrow and laughed, anger was still present in his voice but he indulged the two. “This is going to be good, all right let’s hear it.”

Cullen took a deep breath and muttered something. The dwarf crossed his arms and Dorian nudged the commander. “I…maker’s breath! This shouldn't be that hard to say. I care about the inquisitor.” The dwarf, still angered wasn't thinking clearly. “We all care for Trinket, what's your point? He's the inquisitor, the herald, and to a few a very good friend.” Dorian face palmed as he tried to make the dwarf realize what Cullen was talking about with subtle hand motions. Cullen sighed as he decided to just spit it out. “I mean more than as a friend, I…think I have feelings for…him.” Cullen had to force that last word out as the dwarf just stared at him, jaw dropped. He quickly closed it and put his hand in front of him. “Wait, wait, wait I think I've had too much to drink because I thought you just said that you had feelings towards Trinket!” Dorian chuckled as Cullen looked around then stared at his lap, obviously embarrassed as the tips of his ears turned red. “Please not so loud!” 

Varric almost fell off of his chair. Then banged on the table, thankfully the tavern was mostly cleared out at this time of day. “That's why you did all those stupid things? Because you LIKE him! Andraste's ass what the hell is wrong with you, I mean I know some people do stupid things for love but you just gave that word a whole new meaning!” The dwarf finally sat down after his outburst. Dorian just sat there quietly sipping his wine with his leg crossed while Cullen hung his head in shame. “I know…I didn't mean to hurt him, I just hated feeling so helpless, I thought I could help!” Varric sighed as he thought about what to do. He hesitated then finally spoke.

“If you really care about him, then you need to know the story, not just little bits and pieces.” Cullen was about to thank the dwarf when Varric put his hand up. “But I don't have the right to tell you. If you're going to hear the story from anyone, it's going to be from the one who lived it.” Cullen and Dorian both looked confused and stared at the dwarf until Dorian asked the question they were both thinking. “How pray tell, is he going to get the inquisitor to tell him?” Varric smirked evilly at the two and gave the men an uneasy feeling. “You're going to tell the inquisitor about what you did all those months ago.” As Cullen got up and started walking towards the door he was brought back to the table by Dorian who took a hold of his ear and pulled him back to the table. “Not getting out of it that easily my friend!” 

The man stroked his mustache and arched an eyebrow questioningly but Varric just shook his head which seemed to annoy the man but he didn't pry. 

~  
It was easier said than done, but Cullen was determined. Cullen took a breath and walked into the war room where he saw Lelianna, Varric, and the inquisitor gathered. The inquisitor was the only one who looked concerned but he tried to hide it. “Commander, what is this about and if this is an emergency meeting then where is Josephine and no offense but why is Varric here?” Varric came up to the inquisitor's side and smiled sympathetically. “I’m just here for support, Trinket.” Fenariel now looked even more concerned but stayed silent as Lelianna put a hand on his shoulder.

“Inquisitor…there's something I need to tell you. Something I should have come clean about a long time ago. I need you to understand that I only did this because I was concerned about you, I had no intention of hurting you and have been trying my hardest to help but I don't know how.” Fenariel looked serious now as he became a little anxious. “Cullen, what did you do?”   
“After the bandit incident I…looked into your past.” The elf's eyes went wide as he stared in disbelief. “No…you couldn't have.” Cullen nodded and tried to say something as the inquisitor back up into a chair. He quickly got up as tears welled up in his eyes. Lelianna tried to help him up but he just got up and ran past Cullen and out the doors of the war room. 

“Inquisitor Wait!” Cullen raced after the elf but lost him as he used fade step to move through a wall. Lelianna and Varric caught up with Cullen as he punched the wall angrily. “Curly, nobody thought it would happen like that, right now what we need to do is find the inquisitor before he hurts himself, or others.” Cullen nodded and the rest of them went to search the fortress.  
~  
Cassandra was training when she saw the inquisitor burst out the kitchen door and head towards the stable. She watched as a minute later he rode quickly out of Skyhold on his jet black horse. She then saw Varric, Lelianna, and Cullen run down the main steps and to the gate, watching the inquisitor disappear on the horizon as they tried to catch their breath. Cassandra ran over to the three and saw the concerned looks on their faces. “What in the name of the Maker just happened?”

~  
Fenariel didn't stop, he couldn't think straight let alone stop. The tears overflowed and spilled down his face while the wind stung his eyes. After an hour or so of continuos galloping, the jet black horse stopped, utterly exhausted. The elf realized what he had put the horse through and dismounted then pet the horse while apologizing. They walked to a stream to rest for a while. Fenariel sat on a rock watching the horse and trying to think of what to do. He could run, go back to the clan or wander around aimlessly as a mercenary, even settle down in a small town maybe with not so many humans and just live a quiet life, never having to even think about the inquisition. He just had to be careful, and they would never find him. He knew how to hide and how to avoid detection. He could also move to an alienage, though that thought was quickly pushed out of his mind when he thought about the descriptions he had heard. 

The elf's stomach growled as he realized that he hadn't brought anything with him, just the clothes on his back and a horse, and now that he noticed the horse wasn't even wearing a saddle, it just had the saddle blanket. Fenariel sighed as he got up and disrobed, carefully folding his clothes and putting them neatly on the rock he had been sitting on. He waded into the stream which was about waist deep. He kneeled in the water and gently washed the sweat off of his body. After that he dressed and set out again on his horse. He headed towards the fortress known as Amaranthine. He had heard that the hero of Ferelden had set up a small city there and since he was Dalish, trusted the hero to take in another of his kind. 

After four days of traveling, Fenariel got to the farms outside of the fortress. Before entering the fortress/city, he took some red flowers from a small lake and crushed them into his hand before adding some dirt and water. After about twenty minutes, he had made some red dye that he quickly combed through his hair to hide the silver locks. He braided his long hair and let it fall down his shoulder. Looking like this, he should pass for a young girl who had yet to reach maturity. He walked slowly into the town and some people stopped what they were doing to watch him pass. Elves and humans alike were now watching him with sharp eyes. 

The elf walked into the tavern and went up to the barkeep who had been yelling at one of the serving girls for being late. He noticed that the barkeep was an elf and that made him relax a little bit. Since Fenarial's voice was already high pitched he didn't have to worry about not being mistaken for a girl. He made sure to speak in a soft tone as he tried to get the barkeep’s attention. “Um…excuse me?” The barkeep turned and his expression immediately softened towards the young female elf(or what he thought was a young female elf) and spoke in a very welcoming tone. “Yes? Welcome, welcome! What can I do for ya miss?” Fenariel couldn't believe he was doing this. His stomach growled again, realizing he had barely eating in four days, just some berries that he found in the woods. He blushed and looked down. “Um could I have an apple, some cheese and a few slices of bread please.” The man smiled and nodded, he quickly gathered the order and presented it on a wooden plate. “ ‘ere ya go miss, at’ll be five bits.” Fenariel started to panic as he realized he didn't have any money on him. Just as he was about to explain another Dalish elf came up to the counter and dropped five copper pieces on the counter. “I'll pay for her meal, Jeffrey. Also give me the usual, I'll be in my usual spot.” The barkeep nodded and went back to work. The Dalish elf looked at him and flashed an innocent grin. “You looked a little troubled so I thought I'd help you out. You looked a little worried, I hope that you don't mind, why don't you come sit with me and my friend over there.” The man pointed to the corner table where tan elf sat playing with an earring in his hand. Fenariel nodded and followed the other elf over to the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gave you guys a little hint to who the two elves are!


	6. Meeting the Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Staying at Amaranthine has its perks but what happens when the inquisition comes to ask for the hero's help?

The tan elf smiled when he saw his companion and then frowned when he saw someone following him. He sighed and spoke in a rich accent that Fenariel couldn't place. “Tsk tsk, why iz it that you alwayz have to pick up strayz. No offense my red headed friend” the elf motions to Fenariel and the other elf just sighed and sat down after pulling over another chair. This elf spoke in an accent similar to his own and was happy to defend. “Come on, like you weren't a stray when I picked you up? Zevran, she's a fellow Dalish who looks like she just left her clan. Did I get that right?” Fenariel nodded, it was technically true since he had only left his clan about four months ago. Fenariel recognized the other elf's name but couldn't remember where he had heard it so he just nodded politely and ate his food quickly which caused both the men to laugh. Fenariel blushed and looked down into his lap, embarrassed. Fenariel noted some of the other Dalish elf's features. He had long blonde hair that hung loosely down his back. His Vallaslin was that of Andruil which was common for most hunters and his green eyes were the same color as the trees in a forest. Zevran chuckled and put the earring back on a necklace that he wore. “Don't worry my friend, we know how it feelz to be grateful to see your meal and scarf it down. Well that iz, we used to. Now we're pampered like Orleisian nobles. Rather sickening to be honest.” The other elf sighed. “Zevran, you're the one being pampered while I have to do all the paperwork and give all the orders, not to mention watch over Ohgren and make sure he doesn't rile up the villagers.” Both of the men started to laugh. Fenariel finally spoke up. “So you work in the keep with the hero of Ferelden?” “Um yeah, kind of.” Fenariel cocked his head but let the comment go after seeing the food still on his plate. Zevran studied Fenariel intensely then Clapped his hands once when he saw the elf was done eating. “Well, and this iz just a guess, but I'm assuming since you have no coin, you have no place to stay for the night.” Fenariel just nodded “what shall we call you, my friend?” Fenariel thought for a moment. “Nisha”the Dalish elf beside him seemed to sigh. “I guess I'll have one of the guest rooms set up, come on you can stay with us, don't worry Zevran doesn't bite unless you say please.” The Dalish elf chuckled and got up leading the three out of the tavern and into the keep.

Fenariel noticed that most of the soldiers were saluting the two as they entered and the staff stopped to bow. Fenariel was starting to wonder who he had met when a warden came up to the group. “Commander! We have sighted some stragglers in the wilds again. Shall I send out a patrol?” The Dalish elf nodded “yes send Ohgren, Velanna and Sigrun. Tell them that if they're not back by tomorrow morning, I'll kick all of their asses and Ohgren won't be able to get any alcohol for a week, that should speed things up.” The warden sighed and saluted before running off. Fenariel's eyes went wide as he realized who he was talking to. I mean the clues had been there but the young elf hadn't been paying attention. This was Darrien, Dalish rogue, warden commander and Hero of Ferelden. 

Zevran elbowed Darrien and pointed the the small elf who was now very nervous. “I…I'm so sorry for not recognizing you!” Darien just sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose as Zevran doubled over laughing. “You are the only one I know who could go from Thedas’ most wanted to hero in the span of only a few months!” Zevran held the wall for support as he continued to laugh. Darrien didn't seem all that amused as he hit the other elf on the head to get him to stop laughing. He then turned to Fenariel and his gaze softened. “Honestly it made me happy when you didn't recognize me, I've always hated titles. Nevertheless, the offer still stands to stay in the keep, I remember how hard it was to leave my clan, I would have helped you even if I lived in a small shed on the outskirts of town.” Zevran who had now recovered from laughing and the blow to the head kissed Darrien on the cheek. “And that iz why I love you!” Darrien pushed the other elf off of him and blushed deeply as Zevran just smirked.

That night Fenariel was given a private room with a large bathtub in it, the bath was already filled with steaming water and a silk nightgown lay on the bed along with a green velvet dress for the next day. Fenariel sighed, it was going to be hard to keep up this female charade but he had to stay determined. He undressed and got into the warm bath after making sure to put his hair up. He couldn't let the dye wash out of his hair. He sighed as he just lounged in the bath until he jumped at the sound of two people storming down the hallway. They both spoke in Dalish and he relaxed as he heard the familiar language. They were arguing about how the female discovered she would be babysitting tomorrow. Fenariel realized that they meant him. The other voice shushed her while they walked, he then heard a door bang and the familiar voice of Darrien. “Fenedhis! Fen’harel take that elvar asha!”  
(Common curse! Dread wolf take that difficult woman!)

The footsteps eventually faded and Fenariel got dressed in the nightgown, since it was the only sleepwear he had. He then called to Renan and Nehn. The two wisps appeared and voiced there complaints and concerns to him through telepathy. “I know, but they can take care of themselves, just remember to mask your presence we don't need Solas or any other mage to get a lock on you two.” The spirits understood and they all got into the bed. The sleep was welcomed but as usual restless riddled with nightmares.

~  
After a few days, he became comfortable with the Dalish woman's prescience and she with his. Fenariel sat at a table in a garden surrounded by wildlife with a female Dalish known as Velanna. She didn't seem thrilled that she had to watch him but her eyes seemed to have a little compassion in them when he told her that he was afraid of humans. “I don't blame you da'len. They're smelly, clumsy, and inconsiderate. I only stay here because I'm a grey warden, Darrien isn't so bad since he's Dalish but Zevran comes from an alienage so he's pretty bad. As if rehearsed, Zevran came over to their table. “Oh you wound me with your cruel words my lady.” Zevran smirked and chuckled a bit when Velanna rolled her eyes at the other elf. It reminded Fenariel of Varric and Cassandra, he felt guilty for leaving but before he could think of anything further a guard came over and whispered something in Zevran’s ear. His eyebrow arched but just nodded. “Tell the commander and welcome them, if it's who I think it is, then we have much to discuss.” Velanna looked at Zevran questioningly as she got up and looked over the railing to see four people riding horses into the city. 

Fenariel's heart almost stopped when he recognized Lelianna leading Cassandra, Cullen, and Varric through the gates. Zevran chuckled and motioned for the two others to follow. Fenariel hesitated but followed closely behind Velanna who told him that she would put herself in between any human and himself. Fenariel managed a sheepish smile as he followed closely behind the older woman like a child would his mother.  
~  
After Solas had gotten a lock on Renan’s general location it was just a matter of time before they would make their way to Amaranthine. Lelianna remembered the area well enough and led the other three through the forests to the fortress where she said they could gather information. Lelianna smiled as she saw Darrien and Zevran at the gate both smiling cheekily. She dismounted and hugged them both. “Ah beautiful Lelianna! What a surprise, sadly I'm chained to him now so we can't have any fun later.” Zevran was greeted with a kick to the shin by Lelianna and a hit on the head by an annoyed Darrien at the same time, almost like it had been rehearsed. “Lelianna it's good to see you!” Darrien hugged the woman and turned his gaze to Cullen. “Ah Cullen you're looking well.” “Yes well anything is better than the state you last saw me in Warden Commander.” Cullen added formally as he dismounted.

Cassandra and Varric both dismounted and stayed quiet, while waiting to be introduced. “Oh Zevran, Darrien this is Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast and Varric Tethras. They are both comrades and good friends. I amsorry to be so blunt but may we speak in private?” Darrien knew that ‘in private’ really meant ‘the information I need to share with you is very sensitive and could be used against all of us.’ So he ushered them into a private salon where they all sat down. Velanna and Fenariel both accompanied them even though Fenariel tried to protest. Velanna just looked at him and smiled reassuringly as they sat in the corner looking at some books. To anyone else it would look like a caring sister or friend and her younger, more delicate companion. But Lelianna saw the unease in the younger girl’s eyes. She was interrupted when Ohgren burst into the room causing the young girl to hide behind the older elf after gasping quietly. Lelianna just rolled her eyes and forced a smile. “Lelianna? Well lather me up and stick me on a bronto! How ya been?” “It is good to see you as well, Ohgren. Please shut the door this conversation is not to be heard by anyone outside of this room.” Ohgren’s expression sobered and he shut the door. He sat down in a chair next to Varric who he nodded hello to and listened.

“Darrien, you know I would not bother you unless it was important.” Darrien nodded somberly. “But I need your help to find someone.” “Dear Lelianna you are better at that than we are, what makes you think we can find this person?” “Because this particular elf was headed towards the wilds and might have stopped here for supplies or to rest. Have you seen a young male elf with long silver hair and golden eyes? It is important that we find this person as soon as we can, before he hurts himself or others.” Fenariel couldn't believe what he was hearing, he tried to keep calm as he was described as an unstable mage with a tendency to be aggressive towards humans who get too close to him. 

“I haven't seen anyone by that description, but I'll have the guards keep an eye out for him that's all I can really do. Even now we're still rebuilding from the after effects of the blight. You're welcome to stay here for a little while to rest, I'm sure your horses would be grateful.” The group of four nodded. “Zevran why don't you go and gather some information, see if anyone's seen this boy, Velanna I'd like you to stay with Nisha for now and make sure she knows her way around, Ohgren just try not to have the villagers chasing you with torches and pitchforks by the end of the day.”  
Lelianna arched an eyebrow after hearing the name but kept her poker face. She motioned to Darrien and they went into the hallway. “Tell me about that girl, Nisha.” Darrien looked confused but complied. “She came into town about a week ago, seeing a fellow Dalish who was wary around humans, I got a little protective and invited her to stay here in the keep. She seems to have taken a liking to Velanna and vice versa. She doesn't talk much and mostly keeps to herself, why?” Lelianna looked around. “I do not think she has been very truthful, she is the spitting image of the person we are looking for minus the hair color and dress. To be honest, we are looking for the inquisitor.” At this Darrien’s demeanor totally change. “I see, well give it a couple days and if you find the evidence come to me, otherwise you won't touch her. Is that understood?” “Of course Darrien, I would have done exactly that even if you had not said this.” 

~  
It had been two days since the four arrived at Amaranthine. Everyone but Lelianna had no idea why they were still there. Lelianna approached Cullen sitting in the garden and sat next to him as he watched Velanna and Fenariel gather flowers. “Commander, why not try talking to the girl, who knows you might find an answer to your problem. Why not talk to her about the inquisitor.” Cullen could tell that Lelianna was up to something but he decided to just go with it. 

He got up and walked over to the two elves. Fenariel hid behind Velanna but she just assured him it was okay. Cullen waved to Fenariel and he stood warily. “Um…hello Nisha, right? I wanted to ask you something. Are humans really that frightening?” Fenariel was surprised to hear Cullen ask this but just nodded. Cullen sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, that doesn't make me feel any better, maker I'm an idiot.” Fenariel spoke softly to hide how his voice really sounded. “Why?” Cullen sat in the grass in the garden and looked up at a tree. “Because, there's this elf who I care for and out of blind impulse I found out something I shouldn't have. I didn't tell him and tried to help him, but I ended up making things worse.” Fenariel blushed a bit but looked away as Cullen continued. “I confronted someone who was close to him and realized that I had to come clean, so I did just that. I don't know what I thought would happen but he ended up literally phasing through a wall. The look he had on his face, broke me. I don't know what I'll do if I even see him again, but I might start off telling him how I feel for him.” Fenariel was shocked but asked in a wavering voice. “What would you tell him?” 

Cullen sighed. “Probably, while making a fool of myself and stuttering like an idiot, that I never meant to hurt him. I care for him, more than I thought ever possible. When I see him smile it brings me such joy, when he cries I want to hold him close, when he's angry I want to lend him a sword. I could never imagine loosing him.” Fenariel was about to say something when. An alarm bell rang throughout the town and a soldier ran into the garden. “Warden Velanna! A strange portal has appeared by the farms! Demons are pouring from it, what do we do?” Fenariel's eyes went wide and as Velanna was about to say something Fenariel ran past the guard and towards the gate with great speed. “Nisha!” Velanna yelled as she ran after him. Cullen and Lelianna followed suit. 

Darrien, Zevran, Cassandra, and Varric stood at the gate watching the rift. “Shit! We can't close it without the inquisitor!” Varric swore as he took Bianca and was about to charge when he heard a wolf howl. Fenariel ran quickly past them with amazing speed towards the rift. He summoned both wisps and they quickly headed towards the soldiers. Darrien and the rest soon followed to the farms to evacuate the civilians. A demon was headed for a smaller girl out towards the fields but before it could even scream, it was hit with a bolt of electricity. “Renan! Get the girl to safety, Nehn make sure no one whether they be inquisition or warden comes near me, they'd only slow me down.” With that Fenariel surrounded himself with blades made. Of ice. He quickly engaged the demons all at once using hand to hand combat and magic. The group of seven made their way towards the rift but before they could get close Renan appeared in front of them and surrounded the general vicinity near the rift off with a fire barrier. They all stopped and watched through the flames as their fearless inquisitor engaged multiple demons and held them off as the rest of the people got out of the area. “Good Renan, Nehn get out of here I don't know how this will effect you so go back to the fade for now but far away from the tear!” The wisps disappeared as did the fire barrier. The group was about to come to the inquisitor's aid when he called out to them. 

“This is an order! You are not to approach me or the rift! You disobey and I'll throw you over the battlements for insubordination!” The four stopped in their tracks and the other three hesitated. “Lelianna I understand following orders but this is ridiculous!” Lelianna sighed and gripped her blades with frustration. “Darrien I would advise you three stay back as well. The inquisitor is a powerful mage, if he ordered his wisps to disappear that means he is about to use some powerful magic. This is not an order for personal glory, it is for our safety.” Darrien growled in frustration and ordered Zevran and Velanna to stand down. 

They looked back when they heard a shout laced with pain. Fenariel was taking a beating as he focused and the anchor began to glow. The rift started to suck the demons back in like a vacuum. The demons screamed as they were pulled back into the fade. Fenariel could feel himself starting to loose his feeling of being as he poured more of his own essence into the fade. He quickly closed it and breathed heavily as he coughed up blood.

“To hell with orders!” Cullen ran towards the now wobbly inquisitor who’s knees starts to buckle. His eyesight was started to fade as he started to black out. Cullen grabbed the small elf in a heated embrace. For a moment, Fenariel was scared half to death, but then remembered what Cullen had said. He shyly smiled as he tried to whisper Cullen's name but blacked out.


	7. Eyes open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenariel has to work past his fears and accept Cullen for who he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we get to my attempt at smut! Gonna add more later also major fluff!

Fenariel woke up slowly to the soft sound of someone's voice. He used all of his energy to turn his head and saw Cullen holding his hand while praying, tears were flowing down the ex-templar’s cheeks. “Maker, please don't let us lose him. Don't let me lose him. If he is our herald of Andraste then please save him.” Fenariel smiled warmly at the human, something he thought he'd never do. He didn't see Cullen as a human now, he saw him as someone he cared for. The inquisitor spoke as loudly as he could, which ended up being a whisper. “Didn't I tell you? I don't believe in the maker you dumb shem'len.” Cullen opened his eyes that were red and puffy from crying and embraced the frail body beneath him. “C…Cullen you're crushing my already broken ribs.” Cullen released him from the embrace and apologized as he took the elf's hand and held it against his cheek, affectionately. “Maker’s breath don't ever do that again. I was so worried. I'm so sorry about what I did I just wa-” Cullen was silenced as Fenariel placed his finger over the man's lips to quiet him. “You're going to give me a headache, idiot.” The sentence was laced with compassion instead as malice. The elf groaned as he tried to move and stopped when Cullen held him down. “Don't even think about it. You were right about those broken ribs.” Cullen then got up and proceeded to go over to the couch in the room where Lelianna and Cassandra sat sleeping. Varric was in his own chair but also asleep. Cullen shook Cassandra who jumped, startled. “What happened? Is something wrong?” Cullen just rolled his eyes as Fenariel chuckled and then groaned in pain again. “Remind me not to laugh, it hurts…a lot.” Cassandra came over to the side of the bed followed by Lelianna and Varric. “Of all the idiotic, reckless, thoughtless, dangerous-” Varric nudged the woman who just looked at him. 

“Seeker you can give him a lecture when he's back to full health. For now he still needs rest.” The dwarf then turned to Fenariel. “You gave us all a scare there, Trinket. Though none of us were as worried as Curly over there.” The elf turned to see Cullen blushing as he coughed awkwardly. Varric and Lelianna just chuckled as Cassandra rolled her eyes.

“Well he's not that frightening when he's blushing at least. Kind of like a puppy.” They all turned to Fenariel and laughed but Fenariel stopped as he remembered something. “Wait, Varric what happened to Renan and Nehn!” Varric shrugged his shoulders. “I don't know, they disappeared after you told them to.” Fenariel started to panic as he tried to sit up but the others tried to push him back down. “Let go! I need to make sure they're okay!” The inquisitor used most of his strength to create a blast that knocked everyone back a few steps. He called out into the fade to search for the two. The elf's hands started to flow as he recited an incantation. “Then in Vhen’alas Renan, Nehn!” (Awake in this world, Renan, Nehn!) They appeared hovering over Cullen who slowly got up. “Maker’s breath!” Fenariel realized what he'd done and bit his lip and shut his eyes, waiting to be reprimanded or hit by Cassandra who just rolled her eyes as Varric laughed. “Well at least we know Trinket’s not too injured!” The elf just looked down at his lap. “…sorry” Lelianna sighed as she motioned to the door and Cassandra, Lelianna, and Varric left leaving Cullen and Fenariel alone in the room together, even Renan and Nehn left. 

Fenariel tried to say something but the thought was quickly quieted as Cullen pressed their lips together in a heated kiss. Cullen had to pull away to breathe and put his forehead against Fenariel's. He sighed and cupped the elf's slender face in his hand. “Cullen, I'm so sorry.” 

“Never again, understand?” Fenariel just nodded his head as he tried to hold back tears. “Cullen, please don't go. I don't want to have nightmares.” Cullen was surprised but nodded and took off his plate armor. He sat down on the bed and let Fenariel rest his head on his chest. “Do the nightmares happen often?” “Every night.” Cullen stroked the silver mane gently as he felt Fenariel's breathing slow and deepen. The young elf for the first night slept a little better than he had in a long time.

~

Cassandra knocked on the door to the room where the inquisitor was resting but no one answered. She knocked again and paused before she opened the door. She smiled and left, she came back with Varric, and Lelianna. They all smiled fondly at the scene before them. Cullen had fallen asleep sitting up, his head rest against the inquisitor's who was curled up against the human. They were both fast asleep, they both had peaceful expressions on their faces. 

~  
After a day or two of recovery the five were ready to head back to Skyhold. Fenariel bowed to Zevran, Darrien, and Velanna and deeply apologized for the trouble he had caused. Darrien said there was no need and thanked him for closing the rift. After that they set out on horses for the three day journey back to Skyhold. 

Cullen was worried about Fenariel riding without a saddle but soon realized that the elf preferred riding without it. He watched the lithe frame move with the horse and gracefully ride even up the most difficult hills and slopes. 

When they got back to Skyhold, Cassandra gave Fenariel a proper scolding in private and was punished by the amount of paperwork that had piled up onto his desk while he was gone. He had a long couple of days after that, barely sleeping and eating only when he was starving.

On the fourth night Cullen knocked on the door. Fenariel was surprised to hear the knock but quickly answered it still at his desk. “Enter.” He heard armored footsteps and assumed it was Cassandra. “Cassandra I'm almost done with this stack, I'll get started on the next one in an hour just let me rest for a little while.” Cullen chuckled and stood there. “Has she been stopping by that frequently to make sure you're still here?” The elf jumped when he heard the human’s voice but quickly settled down. He still wasn't used to the fact that he was in a relationship with Cullen and he was still hesitant about being alone with him sometimes. “I didn't mean to startle you.” “I…it's fine, I just wasn't expecting you that's all.” Fenariel smiled reassuringly as he got up and yawned. 

Cullen loved it when he yawned. It was adorable like a little mabari puppy who was all tuckered out after a long day. He walked over and laced their fingers together. He watched as Fenariel tensed for a moment and then relaxed slowly. “Have you been sleeping at all?” The elf just looked down and Cullen got his answer. The human sighed and picked up the small body and carried it over to the bed and gently put him down. Fenariel tried to protest but was silenced when their lips met. Cullen used the distraction to untie the elf's boots and pull them off of his feet. 

Fenariel broke off the kiss when he realized what Cullen was doing. “If I didn't know any better I would say that you're trying to undress me.” “Then I guess you don't know any better.” Cullen smirked as he kissed the elf again but this time on his ear. Fenariel let out a soft whimper and unintentionally arched his back. Cullen stopped, afraid he'd done something wrong when he saw the elf's red face. “C…Cullen elves’ ears are really sensitive. It's kind of l…like a sweet…spot.” Fenariel had to force out the last word as Cullen smirked. He couldn't stand how cute he was when he blushed. He had an idea and started lightly massaging the tip of the elf's right ear. Fenariel whimpered again as his back arched slightly. 

Cullen watched as the small body writhed under him and saw the member hardening through his pants. “Fenariel, if it gets to be to much just tell me and I'll stop, ok?” The elf quickly nodded his head and Cullen just chuckled as he continued to massage the elf's ear. Fenariel went to touch himself through his pants but groaned when his hand was swatted away. He felt a large hand traveled down from his shoulders, to his chest then to his hips. He squeaked as Cullen massaged his hips and nibbled on the tip of his ear. “C…Cullen!” Cullen smirked and started undoing the clasps on the inquisitor's shirt. Once it was open he took off his gloves and slid his calloused hands down the small chest that seemed to quiver at his touch. He stopped at the small nipples that stood at attention already. Cullen took one of the pink nubs into his mouth and teased it with his tongue. He was rewarded with a moan from the body beneath him. Fenariel's face was fully flushed and his breathing became more ragged and desperate as he rocked his hips trying to bring himself to release. 

“Cullen I…I've never felt this before. I feel like I'm going to burst just from your touch!” Cullen's eyes went wide at this. The inquisitor had never known actual release? “Fenariel let me show you what it feels like, but only if that's okay with you. It means that I'm going to have to touch you.” Fenariel hesitated but slowly nodded his head. Cullen slowly took off the elf's pants after unlacing them. He saw the semi erect member between the inquisitor's legs. It was just as tiny and perfect as he thought it would be. Cullen took his thumb and ghosted it over the head and watched as the body in front of him arched. “Ah! C…c…Cullen what was that?” Cullen chuckled and did it again. Fenariel was in heaven, but that heaven was soon turning to desperation as he moved his hips forward. Cullen took that as a ‘go ahead’ and ran his finger up the underside of the elf's arousal. 

Fenariel grabbed the blankets in his fists and his head fell back as Cullen became daring and licked the slit at the head. Fenariel gasped and whimpered as he felt the Commander’s tongue go over the head repeatedly each time becoming faster and faster. Cullen didn't want to overstimulate him too much so he went slowly. Cullen slowly lowered his mouth and took all of the elf onto his mouth. It wasn't much but it was still cute how it twitched every couple of seconds as he sucked. Cullen soon started bobbing his head slowly up and down the inquisitor's length and he felt the body start to tense up. He realized what was happening and sped up, determined to give the inquisitor sweet release. Fenariel's back arched as he softly whimpered and came into the human's mouth. 

His breathing was heavy and his eyes were barely open. There was a large blush that had spread across his face and his ears. He slumped forward against Cullen's shoulder and soon fell asleep. Cullen smiled as he picked the of up and placed him gently on his bed. He soon joined him after relieving himself into his hand. The picture of Fenariel's face on the brink of release sending him over the edge.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is wrong with the inquisitor? Can Solas and Fenariel figure it out before his animalistic side shows itself?

Fenariel was surrounded by darkness. The pain in his hand crept up his arm slowly, like snakes. The pain burned like poison running through his veins. All of a sudden he was back in haven, he could feel the heat of the dragon on his neck and the grip of Corypheus’ hand around his. The dark spawn magister looked him in the eyes and spoke in a deep bellowing voice. “You think that just because you now have someone to care for you that means you're safe? The gall! You will never be safe, it just gives me one more thing to take from you! You can never escape your true nature, beast!” Corypheus held him over a cliff and dropped him into a crack in the earth. He was consumed by darkness as bindings held his body from trying to move.

~

“Noooooooo!” Fenariel's eyes snapped open as he felt someone trying to shake him awake. He looked up to see Cullen holding him close. “It's okay it was only a dream, you're safe.” The human wrapped him in a warm and gentle embrace. Tears started flowing down the elf's cheeks as he quietly sobbed into Cullen's chest. 

“It felt so real.” The elf burrowed himself into Cullen's chest and just stayed there. Cullen felt the elf flinch as he noticed a green glow. Cullen looked down and saw the anchor glowing a sickly green color. Fenariel quickly hid his hand under the blanket as his breathing became ragged and each breath seemed to take a toll on the small shaking body. “Are you okay? What's wrong?” “It's n…nothing, it just gets agitated sometimes when I have a nightmare.” Cullen looked confused. “You're talking about it like it’s a living thing. Is it…living?” Cullen hesitated on the last word as he looked into the elf's eyes. For the first time he really realized how worn out he looked. The large bags under his eyes that were now dull and weary. His usually pink cheeks were a sickly pale color. The only thing that stayed the same was the way his hair shined in the moonlight.

“No I can't really explain it. It's like a connection to the fade. So when I have a nightmare it wavers and then releases energy. It just tingles a bit is all.” Fenariel finally looked out the window and realized it was still nighttime. The moon was high in the sky. “Come on let's go back to sleep, Cullen.” The elf kissed him on the cheek and lay back down on his side. Cullen looked unsure but lay down and spooned him, wrapping his arms protectively around the lithe shape.

Fenariel waited until Cullen had fallen asleep and carefully got out of bed without waking him. He got dressed and headed down the steps into the main hall. He quietly walked up to Solas’ door and knocked quietly, hoping the older elf was still awake. He was relieved when Solas opened the door.

“Lethallin, what can I do for you?” “Solas I need to show you something.” Solas had barely ever seen the inquisitor so shaken and serious. He quickly invited him inside and poured some tea. “What's wrong?” Fenariel rolled up his sleeve and winced as Solas dropped the cup and ran over and grabbed his arm. “Lethallin how long has this been going on?” The mark had grown, up past his palm, to his wrist. The mark started to glow again and Fenariel grunted in pain. “A little while, maybe right after haven?” Solas guided him to a chair and sat him down to examine him. “Has anything else been happening fevers, loss of appetite, hallucinations?” Fenariel sighed, he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. “My nightmares have changed.” Solas stopped and thought for a moment. “When?” “After closing a rift in Amaranthine.” Solas had remembered hearing about that, it was just rumors but he had heard that the inquisitor had been staying with the hero of Ferelden for a while to gather information on dark spawn. That was the official story anyway.

“Was anything odd about that rift? Anything out of the ordinary.” Fenariel tried to smile but failed miserably. “You mean other than the demons pouring out of it?” Solas gave the younger elf a look. “Okay okay, um when I tried to close the rift I might have experimented and tried to reverse the polarity of it. It ultimately worked, the demons were sucked back through the rift and it closed but while I was doing that it felt almost as if the rift was taking part of me with it. Pulling me into the fade, then I blacked out and woke up a couple days later with some broken ribs from the fight with the demons.” Solas paced a bit. It was never good when Solas started pacing.

“Solas, I know it's not a good sign when you start pacing. What are you thinking?” Solas stopped and sighed. “Honestly, I have no clue what's going on. We need to research this but none of the books in the library go that deep into magical theory.” Fenariel grinned cheekily as he wrapped his hand in a bandage to hide the mark. “Well if you're looking for books on magical theory then you have to go to my private study.” Solas looked up and nodded.

~

Cullen groaned as he woke up, shivering. He slowly opened his eyes to find that the warm body he usually slept with these days was gone. He got up and dressed, noticing a tray of food on the nightstand with a note.

“Had work to do, didn't want to wake you. Will see you at dinner

-Fenariel”

Cullen sighed as he went to his office to file paperwork and then train recruits. All day he was distracted by how the anchor had been glowing the night before. He was worried about Fenariel, especially when he didn't show up for dinner. 

After dinner Cullen went to go talk to Varric, maybe the dwarf had seen him, they were pretty close friends after all.

~

“Sorry Curly, I haven't seen him since this morning.” “What do you mean, when did you see him this morning?” Varric scratched his chin. “Um it was pretty early but I saw Him and Chuckles heading toward the stairs that lead to the kitchen and wine cellar. The only other thing down there is that old dusty library the Trinket sometimes uses for magical study. But you didn't hear it from me, that place is supposed to be a secret. I'm only telling you because you look worried.” Cullen thanked Varric and headed down the stairs.

As he got to the bottom of the stairs he saw Solas carrying a plate of food and went to catch up to him but saw the elf walk through a wall. Cullen stopped and blinked. “Maker, I must be needing more sleep”

“Commander, what are you doing down here?” Cullen turned to see Lelianna carrying a small parcel, the two wisps Renan and Nehn were at her shoulders. They swirled around Cullen and pulled at the fur on his mantle and his hair. He swatted them away playfully. “Lelianna, have you seen the inquisitor? I've been looking for him all day.” Lelianna smiled and crossed her arms. “Maker’s breath, not for that reason!” “Why Commander, what ever reason do you mean?” Cullen sighed and rolled his eyes as Lelianna giggled.

“I have not but, these two have. They are actually escorting me right now, you can come along if you wish.” Cullen nodded and followed Lelianna over to the wall he had seen Solas walk through. The wisps circled around Lelianna and then flew through the wall. Lelianna and Cullen looked at each other, confused. All of a sudden Renan popped out of the wall and seemed to beckon. Lelianna and Cullen both tried putting there hands through the wall and were surprised when it worked. They both entered to reveal a small alcove that was illuminated by veil fire candles. The walls were lined with books all about different types of magic and theories. The end of the room opened up a little to reveal a rather large tome. Fenariel was sitting at the time and Solas was standing next to it. They both seemed deep in thought until Fenariel tilted his head back in frustration.

“Fenedhis lasa! Bel elvar!” Fenariel threw his hands up angrily.   
(Severe curse! It's too difficult!)

“Atisha, Lethallin” Solas tried to comfort the younger elf.   
(Peace, friend)

“But it's just getting worse! We're not finding any answers, and I feel like we're running out of time!”

“It's getting worse because you are agitated you need to calm do-” Solas stopped when he realized that they were no longer alone. “Ah Commander, Sister Lelianna what can we do for you?” Fenariel almost fell out of his chair when he realized they had been standing there. He looked at the two wisps and growled. Renan and Nehn seemed to hind behind Solas for protection. “C…Cullen how did you find this place?” Fenariel knew he was in trouble now. This was the only hiding spot he had left in all of Skyhold and now his boyfriend and the spymaster of the inquisition now knew about it.

“I've been looking for you all night. You missed dinner and I was worried. What are you doing in here?” Cullen had that suspicious look on his face. The man was sometimes oblivious but when he wasn't he was usually spot on. Lelianna cleared her throat and handed Fenariel the package. “This came for you today, inquisitor I believe it is from Canto and Danto.” The younger elf took the package and smiled. He put it down next to him and then remembered the human glaring at him. “Cullen how many times have I told you that you can't read minds, no matter how long you stare at someone?” “You never answered my question.” 

Fenariel looked to Solas for help and the older elf sighed. “We have been researching dragons and how their environment effects their elemental affiliation. All rather mundane elements. Tomorrow it's analyzing flight patterns and the shapes of their wings.” Cullen wasn't buying it, but he had to trust that Fenariel wasn't telling him for a good reason. “Alright, just make sure to get to bed, before the sun rises okay?” The younger elf nodded and waved goodbye.

~

Once Cullen and Lelianna had left Fenariel breathed a sigh of relief. “Well guess we need to change the wards, maybe being able to enter and exit after charging a hidden rune with magic or something. Obviously the hidden door has outlived its usefulness.” Solas looked at the younger elf, shaking his head. “You still won't tell him? You know how much he cares for you.” Fenariel blushed at hearing that but quickly put it in the back of his mind. “That's exactly why I won't tell him. He has enough to worry about, this is something I need to fix on my own, with your help obviously.” Solas dropped the conversation and the two went back to work.

~

Cullen couldn't shake the feeling that there was something wrong so he went to the one person he thought would have some idea. 

He headed down to the tavern to find The Iron Bull, Blackwall, surprisingly Cassandra, Varric, Cole, and Dorian sitting in the corner talking and drinking. Cullen pulled up a chair and joined them. Cole started to space out. “Keeping secrets, nothing has changed. Worried but not knowing how to ask. Have to trust him, remember the time we spend together. His hands twining into mine, his whimpering into my shoulder as I tease him, oh how cute he gets when he squirms, his small body under me, begging to be-”

“Cole!” Cullen's face had turned a scarlet shade of red as he banged on the table. The rest of the table was hysterical, even Cassandra was laughing. “Haha! Sorry Curly, it just kind of happens when you have too much on your mind.” The table finally stopped laughing after they were all clutching their sides. “So Cullen, besides our little inquisitor, what's on your mind?” Bull handed Cullen a drink. “I actually came to ask you something Bull. Have you noticed anything strange going on with the inquisitor lately?” Bull's expression sobered. “You spend more time with him then I do, why ask me?” Cullen sighed as his face returned to its natural color. “You seem good at reading people and he doesn't always tell me everything.” Cole popped up next to Cullen. “He doesn't want you to worry, he knows you have a lot to deal with already so he tries to hide it away, buried deep but not enough that he can't reach it.” Cullen looked down at the table.

“Commander, He's always been like that, he hates it when people worry about him. The most stubborn elf I have ever met but also the bravest.” Cassandra smiled remembering when she had first met him. “Damn he was a brat! Always had that smug look on his face whenever he tricked me.” Varric and Cassandra started to laugh. “Yeah I remember that. He made you think that he was walking on water. The look on your face was priceless, Seeker!” Cassandra rolled her eyes playfully. As she looked at the dwarf.

Dorian decided to chime in. “I am very curious as to what our dear inquisitor looked like as a boy, well younger boy, he's still pretty young…right? You know I don't actually know how old he is.” Blackwall agreed. “Do any of us know how old he is?” Varric took a sip of his drink. “You wouldn't believe me if I told you, Sparkler. I don't understand how a kid can lead this whole thing and not crack under pressure.” Cassandra smiled. “Yes well you should have seen his face when he heard that we were going to be traveling to the Emerald Graves soon, it lit up immediately. He might as well have bounced all the way out the door.

Cullen cleared his throat. “Getting back to the question at hand.” 

Bull thought for a moment. “Right, right sorry Cullen. Um besides being more comfortable around humans, the bags under his eyes and wrapping his left hand nowadays nothing stands out.” Varric looked at Bull. “Tiny, why would he be doing that?” “I don't know, it started right after you guys came back from Amaranthine. Look I can't read minds, I can only see what's going on with my eye. You all have two yet I'm the more perceptive one.” Cullen thought for a moment then got up and left.

~

Solas and Fenariel were saddling up their harts the next morning when Cullen and Cassandra came up to them. “Inquisitor, are you sure it is safe to only take Solas with you? I know you are both competent but still.” 

The younger elf sighed. “Cassandra we’re just going out to check the strength of the veil, we’ll only be gone for a few weeks, don't worry so much.” The younger elf seemed to be more pale than usual but he seemed to be able to hide it well. Cullen noticed the wrapping on his hand for the first time and noticed that it glowed very faintly. 

“Inquisitor, please at least allow Cassandra to accompany you, I think it would make all of us feel better. I would like to myself to be honest.” The elf shot him a glance that seemed to be filled with pain. “Fine, if it will make you feel better, you can come with us to the main camp, but after that it's just Solas and myself. Understood?” Cassandra and Cullen both nodded.

~

After all had been said and done Cullen and the whole inner circle had accompanied them to the main camp in the Emerald Graves. Solas and Fenariel mounted their harts and rode off. Cullen and Cassandra had plans of their own. 

After nightfall, Cassandra and Cullen set out on horses and followed the tracks of the harts to a large clearing near a lake. The two hid in a bush as they saw the two elves. Fenariel was on the ground, panting heavily as the anchor glowed brightly. Cullen's eyes went wide with shock as he realized that the mark had gone up to the inquisitor’s elbow. He went to get up but was pulled back down by Cassandra and sighed in frustration as they watched the two.

“S…Solas, it's getting a lot worse. It's ah! Burning a lot.” The older elf helped him up as he examined the arm. “Lethallin I think we should try it again, I need you to explain in detail what you feel.” Fenariel nodded and summoned a rift. Cassandra and Cullen watched in confusion as the rift opened and demons poured from it.

“Now!” Solas yelled and Fenariel, while disregarding the demons, thrust his hand towards the rift. The anchor started glowing and Fenariel screamed in pain as he struggled to speak. “It's like I'm being, ah…pulled through, like my feet are loosing a grip!” Solas signaled and the rift closed. Fenariel gasped in pain as he fell to his knees and threw up blood as his body shook. Solas bent down to comfort the now frail body.

Cullen had had enough. He walked quickly over to the elves. “Commander? What are you-”

“Enough!” Cullen grabbed Fenariel's arm and pulled up his sleeve to show the growing scar. “This is what's been going on! Why didn't you tell me? Instead you think that you're all alone, you need to realize you have people who care about you!” Fenariel looked away, ashamed. “C…Cullen I didn't mean to make you worry-Ah!” The elf's Vallaslin started to glow and Fenariel's body arched in pain. Cullen let go of his arm as it started to vibrate and shake.

Solas ran over to inspect the elf but was stopped when Fenariel screamed. “B…banal! Ma halani! Please not now, just wait a little longer, you can't do this now!” (S…stop! Help me!) 

Fenariel's eyes went wide as he screamed. “N…no how could you? This isn't possible, I shouldn't be able to hear you!” Fenariel's eyes went wide and his pupils shrank as he howled. Cullen started to back away as he heard Fenariel emit a low growl and rise slowly. The elf's eyes held no trace of the usual young and caring elf only the ferocity of a wild animal. His body moved drunkenly as his head tilted to one side. His face was blank and expressionless. Multiple howls sounded high in the trees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding lore from Len irlahnash fen. It's just being revealed. Differently because it's a different love interest. Oh but don't think this will just be a repeat of that story!


End file.
